Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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