is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
