your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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