i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
