I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
