; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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