i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
