well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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