Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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