She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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