hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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