New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
