While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
