Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
