This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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