i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
