I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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