drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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