You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
