guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
