I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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