Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
