Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
