They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
