he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
