a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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