i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
