I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
