i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
