you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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