I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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