Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
