Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
