The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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