Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Welp...herpes.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
