it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
