I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
