In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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