We won't sleep together?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Randomize
