I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
