I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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