Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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