Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
