I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
