girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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