in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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