My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
