You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
