At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
