just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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